When One’s Ready and the Other is Not: The Uncertainty Around Deciding to Marry
For some people, the decision to get married comes easily. For others, even those in stable, long-term relationships, it can be surprisingly difficult. In my work as a counsellor in Vancouver, I regularly support individuals who are deeply committed to their partners but feel uncertain about moving toward marriage.
Sometimes, it's the person considering a proposal who feels stuck, unsure if they’re truly ready. Other times, it’s the partner who’s waiting, wondering what the delay means and how to interpret the silence.If you find yourself on either side of that dynamic, you're not alone. And you're not doing anything wrong. These are vulnerable roles to be in, and both deserve care, clarity, and support.
It’s Good to Take Marriage Seriously
Marriage is a significant commitment, mentally, legally, and financially. Taking your time to consider it deeply is both natural and healthy.
In sessions, I often help clients explore questions like:
Why do I want to get married?
How do my partner and I handle conflict or miscommunication?
Do we share long-term goals and a compatible lifestyle?
These are essential considerations, and many clients already have thoughtful answers. Still, they find themselves stuck, unable to move forward.
“Some life decisions simply can’t be made with 100% certainty.”
The Truth About Life’s Big Decisions
One reality I often discuss in my Vancouver counselling practice is this:
Some life decisions simply can’t be made with 100% certainty.
We can prepare, gather information, and seek advice. We can assess compatibility, long-term goals, and even weigh opportunity costs. But at the end of the day, there will always be unknowns.
The future is unpredictable, and no amount of analysis can eliminate all risks.
At some point, as a couple, you may find yourselves at this crossroads. When it comes to a decision as big as marriage, the goal isn’t absolute certainty – it’s making the best choice you can with the information you have right now.
Let’s explore this more deeply.
How to Move Forward Despite Uncertainty
Whether you're the one unsure about proposing, or the one trying to understand your partner’s hesitation, these principles can help create space for reflection without pressure.
Seek readiness, not certainty
If you’re the one considering a proposal, focus on whether you're prepared to grow with your partner, not on finding perfect clarity. Readiness often looks like a willingness to face the unknown with someone, rather than having every detail figured out in advance.
If you're the one waiting, know that your partner’s hesitation may not reflect a lack of love. It may be about their internal readiness to step into a long-term role. Readiness can take time, and the fact that they’re being thoughtful could be a sign of care, not avoidance.
Doubt doesn’t always mean “no”
If you’re feeling unsure, remember that doubt often comes from the weight of the decision, not from incompatibility. You can love someone deeply and still feel overwhelmed by the magnitude of a lifelong commitment.
If you're on the receiving end of silence or delay, try not to assume the worst. Your partner may be sorting through fears or unspoken expectations – things that have more to do with them than with you.
Trust relationship patterns over perfection
If you're deciding whether to propose, don’t let a single argument or flaw hold disproportionate weight. Look instead at the bigger picture: how do you support each other, recover from tension, and show up over time?
If you’re waiting, ask yourself: does your relationship feel stable, loving, and respectful overall? If so, it may be worth trusting the foundation you've already built, even as the future feels a bit unclear.
Accept that risk is part of every major decision
If you're holding back because you want to be sure, consider that no decision (especially one as big as marriage) comes with guarantees. It’s okay to make a commitment based on trust, not total certainty.
If you’re waiting for a proposal (or a clear answer), know that your patience is not weakness. In many relationships, one person simply reaches that place of confidence faster. That doesn’t mean you’re being taken for granted. It just means the timing may be different for each of you.
What This Means for Couples in Vancouver
In a city like Vancouver, where relationships often grow amidst busy schedules, career demands, and rising living costs, it’s no surprise that decisions about marriage can feel especially complex.
So, here are a few key takeaways:
Many people struggle with the decision to marry, even in strong partnerships.
The goal isn’t to eliminate all doubt. The goal is to trust your decision, not because it’s perfect, but because it’s thoughtful and true to where you are right now.
By reflecting on your values, your relationship patterns, and your readiness rather than an impossible standard of certainty, you can move forward with clarity and courage.
How Counselling Can Support You
Working with a therapist can help you separate fear from intuition.
Counselling provides a neutral space to process your emotions, clarify your values, and explore next steps, individually or together.
When each person has room to voice their hopes and fears without judgment, the path forward often becomes clearer.
Whether you're the one considering a proposal or the one waiting for clarity from your partner, mental health support can offer a grounded space to explore the complexity of love, commitment, and timing.
Counselling in Vancouver for When the Path Isn’t Clear
Marriage can be a big, beautiful step, but it can also bring up fear, doubt, or hesitation.
At Watermark, we work with Vancouver couples (together or individually) who want to explore these questions deeply and thoughtfully, without judgment.
Whether you're hoping to propose, waiting for your partner to decide, or navigating the space in between, our Vancouver counselling team offers a compassionate place to process it all, at your own pace and with support that honours both perspectives.
Book a session today and take the next step, with clarity, not pressure.
We offer both in-person and virtual appointments.
Frequently Asked Questions (FAQs)
Is it normal to feel unsure about getting married, even in a good relationship?
Yes. As described in this post, many people experience doubt or hesitation, especially when the decision feels high-stakes. That doesn't mean something is wrong. It just means the choice matters to you.
Can counselling help with indecision about marriage?
Absolutely. A therapist can help you explore what's driving your hesitation, clarify your values, and support you in making an informed, aligned decision.
Where can I find mental health support in Vancouver?
Watermark Counselling offers a range of services for individuals, couples, and families. Whether you're seeking support for relationships, anxiety, or other challenges, we’re here to help. Contact us at hello@watermarkcounselling.ca or (778) 233-5534.
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